Growing up, I watched my mother navigate terminal illness, and it shaped so much of who I am today. Her diagnosis came with imposed terms and conditions - rules she never agreed to but had to live by. She never accepted being defined by her illness, yet it shaped how she was treated and how she moved through life. Even as a child, I sensed something wasn’t right. I didn’t want to accept that struggle as inevitable.
As I grew older, I realised life hands all of us a set of terms and conditions. We’re expected to accept them without question - whether it’s the roles we play in our families, the expectations of society, or the unspoken rules of being a woman or a man. It’s like when we install a new app or sign up for a service - we scroll through pages of legal jargon, click “I accept,” and move on. We never stop to read what we’re actually agreeing to.
We take on roles, responsibilities, and beliefs without questioning whether they serve us. We say yes to things we don’t fully understand because it feels easier than stopping to challenge them.
The corporate world had its own terms for me that dictated how I should work, when I could rest, and what success should look like. Motherhood came with its own invisible contract, one that suggested I should shrink, step back, and accept that my ambitions mattered less. Society, culture, family - all of them had fine print I never agreed to, yet I was expected to follow the rules.
But at some point, I stopped. I asked myself: What if I don’t accept these terms? What if I renegotiate?
The first time I set a boundary at work, my hands were shaking. The first time I asked for more - whether it was time, money, or respect - it felt like I was breaking a rule. But with every decision, I realised something powerful: I get to write my terms and conditions.
Terms & Conditions for Life
Terms & Conditions set the rules for how users interact with a service, defining what’s acceptable and what’s not. While businesses often use them for websites, products, or services, we rarely consider applying this concept to ourselves. But just like a business protects its integrity, so should we.
Here’s why having your personal Terms & Conditions matters:
1. Prevent Abuses | Your Boundaries Terms & Conditions define how a service should be used and outline consequences for misuse. Similarly, our boundaries protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. But here’s the key: to create authentic boundaries, you must first know your desires. When you are clear on what you want to create, achieve, or experience, you can set boundaries supporting those desires.
Your boundaries aren’t barriers but filters, ensuring what enters your life aligns with your values. Set them with intention. Without this clarity, boundaries can feel rigid or arbitrary. Instead, they should be an intentional framework that nurtures growth and fulfilment.
2. Own Your Content | Know Your Worth In legal terms, companies use T&Cs to state ownership of their content and intellectual property. This prevents others from taking credit for their work or misusing it.
For me, this translates to owning my value. I am the creator of my life, experiences, and contributions. When you understand and own your value, you also recognise where your responsibility begins and ends. Others don’t define my worth. It’s not up for negotiation. I get to define what I bring to the table - whether it is recognized or not.
Beyond knowing your worth, your responsibility is to be a quality product. A product must meet a certain standard to be in demand. The same applies to you. If you want opportunities, respect, and success, you must ensure that what you offer—your skills, your presence, your energy—is of high value. This doesn’t mean striving for perfection but being intentional about growth, learning, and the energy you bring into the spaces you occupy. The market responds to value—be a product worth choosing.
3. The Right to Terminate (Knowing When to Walk Away) Just like a service agreement allows for the termination of an account when necessary, we have the right to decide when a personal or professional relationship no longer aligns with us. There’s a difference between addressing minor conflicts (adjusting boundaries) and recognizing when something no longer serves you (walking away).
For example, imagine you are in a collaborative project where you are consistently undervalued or your contributions are ignored. A boundary might be having a conversation and setting clear expectations. But if those patterns persist, termination might look like stepping away from the partnership entirely. Without clear personal terms, you may be stuck in a cycle of frustration—leaving, returning, and draining your energy.
4. Limit Your Liability – Release Perfectionism & Unrealistic Expectations. Every contract has a liability clause—so should you. You will make mistakes. You will miss the mark. That’s called being human. Having personal Terms & Conditions means acknowledging that while you strive for excellence, you are not bound to an unrealistic standard of perfection.
What I won’t do? Apologise for being imperfect. I do not accept liability for unrealistic expectations—whether placed on me by others or myself. My terms define the standards I uphold, and they are set by me, not by external pressures.
Equally important, I know what is not mine to carry. I refuse to take responsibility for burdens that are not mine to bear. Not everything is yours to fix, manage, or carry. Read the fine print before taking responsibility. Not every burden is yours to carry.
You take responsibility for your actions and set reasonable expectations for yourself and others. When you define what is fair accountability versus unrealistic expectations, you prevent unnecessary guilt and self-judgment. Set your standards, and don’t hold yourself liable to everyone else’s shifting demands.
5. Governing Law (Navigating External Expectations) In legal agreements, the governing law determines which jurisdiction’s rules apply. Societal norms, cultural expectations, and external pressures influence us. Some of these are fixed, like laws, while others are fluid and subject to interpretation.
The key is learning how to operate within these structures while staying true to yourself. Master the rules well enough to navigate them intentionally - whether that means working within them, challenging them, or rewriting them entirely. You don’t always have to conform, but you need to be intentional about navigating the world.
Final Thought: Rewrite Your Terms
Life may hand you terms and conditions, but you hold the pen. Some rules you follow, some you rewrite, and some you refuse to accept. That’s how you reclaim your power. Don’t wait for permission. Step into your power today.
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